i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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