Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
