I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize