Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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