I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
