I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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