is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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