You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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