You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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