i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
