dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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