you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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