Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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