i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
