i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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