As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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