OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
