I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
