Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
