Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
