new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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