does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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