last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
