Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
