Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
