I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
