ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
