eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
