The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
