new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
