i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
