it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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