I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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