yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
