Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
