last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?