My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.