my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me