If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.