I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
