Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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