and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
People in love make me want to vomit
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
