omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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