A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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