how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My feet surprised me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
