I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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