AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
