Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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