Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't turn off my feet"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
