thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
