Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
