sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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