No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize