Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
