You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just puked most of my soul out..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
