what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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