I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
