you guys were way drunker than both of me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
