I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
