you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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