I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
