No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
