i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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