I must be too annoying 4 u.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
