it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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