on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
