hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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