it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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