3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
