I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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