I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
