i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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