in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize