umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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