we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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