You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
