Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
