Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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